Wednesday, May 28, 2014


Dearest Kate,

It is with all the tenderness of my heart that I tell you that last night at7:36pm Grandma Logie passed away.  Oh Kate, It was the most amazing experience.  I am so absolutely sure of the plan of salvation and life after death.  I am so grateful to know these truths and that you are sharing them so others will understand the purpose of this life and through the Savior, we will live again!

These last few days (Thursday night) hospice came in the middle of the night because she was in so much pain.  They started her on morphine.  Friday morning Mom, Sam, Marva, Kathy, Joann and I came quickly.  She was in her chair in a pink blouse.  We had a wonderful visit with her.  Her eyes were open and she'd participate in the conversation every so often, and she was out of pain. It was quite something to see her as well as she was.  A true blessing……… Hospice had said at this point it could be days to several weeks until she dies.

She hadn't eaten a real meal in many days.  On Friday after Marva left they brought her a little food into her room.  I feel so blessed to have fed her one small bit of sweet potatoes, the last thing she would eat.  She ate it and said she was full.  Sammy finished the rest of the plate!  She, of course, was happy to share it with him….giving and kind to the very end.  It was at this point that Grandma Hilbig and I decided we should plan a family prayer, fast to know the will of the Lord, and plan to give her a blessing.

Saturday she took a turn for the worse.  The girls had ballet auditions so daddy got to her home before I did.  He was there at the perfect time and helped Grandma Logie and the CNA's to move her from her chair to the bed.  I arrived as they were doing this.  It was apparent she would never return to her chair.  I cried and talked to her.  She is so precious to me. She would periodically open her eyes and interact but she said she was in a lot of pain.  Daddy in his wonderful way asked her if she wanted a cheeseburger and she said, "Yes, with lots of pickles!"  She has always had the most wonderful sense of humor and dad and she were perfect in that moment.  I love that about dad.  He said he knew when he left it would be the last time he'd see her alive and that it was such a tender experience to share with her.  Seth was there, too.  It was his birthday and here he was ministering to Grandma.  That boy is so gentle and has the kindest heart.  Sophie and I stayed for quite a while.  Grandma even asked Sophie about her ballet.  As we were leaving, the last thing I said to her was "Grandma, I love you so much." She replied, "Jennifer, I love you and your family so much, too."  wow    That was the last time she spoke to me.  Sophie was so tender and leaned down to kiss her.

Last night at 5pm many of us gathered to be there for a prayer and a blessing.  The room was full of her posterity including Marva, Michael and many of David's side of the family.  David was still in CT and we skyped him and Paul in.  Daddy is in Minnesota and is so sad to have missed it all.  We gathered and sang two of grandma's favorite hymns and then Uncle Clarke gave her a beautiful blessing.  He didn't say that she should go, but he blessed her to know she lived a beautiful life, her family was all surrounding her and loved her, and that we couldn't be more grateful for the way she lived.  She has passed on, but more importantly, she "passed on" so much to each of us.  There could not have been a more wonderful grandma.

Two hours later she passed away.  She didn't open her eyes or communicate at all yesterday and struggled to swallow. The hospice nurse said she could be like this for a few more days.  However, Grandma was told by Jilene at 7:35pm that David was on his way and would be here tomorrow.  It was then that she opened her eyes and everyone thought she was responding to that!  Once she knew that, she took her last breath. I wasn't there, but that is ok.I have no regrets and I feel so blessed to have had so much time with her these past 2 years.  Anyway I was at Scott's seminary graduation last night (I am so proud of him!)  Ally called me right away and I just knew it.  When I was sitting at the graduation Seth was on my right.  He turned to me and said, "Grandma's going."  I had just at that very moment had that very same impression.  It was amazing.

Auna and I quickly left all 11 kids in Scott's care and hurried over to Grandma.  Mom, Todd, Matt, Ally, Auna, Craig, Maren, Clarke, Jilene, Emme and I were there.  We sat for hours until they came to take her body away.   Kate, I wish I could describe to you the spirit that was in that room.  There was such a sense of peace, reverence, and sure knowledge that her spirit left her body but this is not the end.  She lives on and is happy.  I know absolutely that her family was there to greet her and all is well.  I know that through the Savior the sting of death can be taken away and we have the hope in Him that we will live again and be together forever.  None of us wanted to leave.  It was an experience perfectly orchestrated by the Lord.  He is so near.  He knows every one of us.  He was so kind to allow her to pass on with her family gathered around. 

In a minute we are leaving to go to the cemetery.  We didn't have a plot for her so mom was going to look at buying 3 in Farmington.  She then just thought she wouldat least  try to call the Salt Lake Cemetery where her parents and baby sister are buried.  It is an old cemetery.  Do you remember going?  Anyway, we knew chances were that there were no spots, but mom called an hour ago just to see.  There was a family who just recently released 3 of their ten spots and, wouldn't you know, they are right by Grandma and Grandpa Goring!  This is another tender mercy from the Lord.  We are so grateful.  The funeral will be Tuesday.  They do not allow funerals on Memorial Weekend because it is so busy.  This will give everyone time to be there.

I love you, Kate.  I can't wait to hear how your week has been.  It was a treasure to talk with you on Mother's Day and then again on Monday.  I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming.  You are a blessing to me and I love you.

Love, Mom

I literally can not believe how fast the time is going. How can we already be in the next transfer??!

Okay, I am  SO upset that I never got the email about Grandma dying... It has been almost 10 days since she died and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT. When was her funeral?? I am not super sad that she died because she really was ready to go and I know she's probably running around in heaven baking those super yummy cookies. She isn't just sitting around not being able to do much anymore. I am sad that I didn't know about it for this long and couldn't think about her whenever her funeral was! How was it? Were you guys with her when she died? What was it like? Who was there? I want details! She was an amazing woman and I love her so much! I wonder what that moment was like when she got to see Grandpa again. She is probably having a wonderful time preaching the gospel just like I am! Maybe she's even teaching people who have family living in Mezapa, Honduras!

This week we had a Multi Zone Conference! It was really awesome and seriously so many memories from THSM came running back. I miss that mission. It will ALWAYS have a place in my heart. I wear my Texas ring every day here in Honduras and think about the THSM glory days every day. President read the email that Hermana Rosales wrote to him about Maria Juaquinas dream in Zone Confrence! It was so awesome. Everyone was super suprised. We were happy. He also read about 7 other president emails about dreams that investigators have had. These people really do have cool dreams and receive a ton of revelation from these dreams.

Another miracle that happened in our mission is that there was a 9 year old girl who came from a family of 12. She hadn't been baptized but her entire family was inactive. She went looking for the missionaries and told them she wanted to be baptized. She then reactivated her whole family of 12 all in a matter of 2 weeks. Just goes to show you that it doesn't matter how young you are or how insignificant you feel. You can be POWERFUL with the Lord on your side.

I don't know the entire story but an elder in our mission got bit by a monkey. I don't know the whole story but I am pretty sure it's awesome.

This week has been one of SICKNESS in our companionship. Honduras does weird things to your tummy...and also I have heat rash all over my neck and it's super hideous and totally itchy. Cute huh? Hahahh No, but hey we are alive and working hard and loving every minute.

Have you guys gotten a chance to look at Hermana Kleins blog?? Super cute! I think there are pics from Zone Confrence up. ( I think is her blog.)

Oh, this is exciting. I think we have bedbugs because I have millions of bites all over my body. Oh Honduras. I love you.

Sometimes i just want to yell at people. Here we are offering them a BEAUTIFUL ETERNITY and they won't accept it because they want to make tortillas Sunday morning instead of going to church. Seriously I just want to be like "What are you thinking??? When you get to heaven and God says, 'What did you do with your time on earth that was more important than saving your own soul?'  I hope you remembered to make a few tortillas for God so you can just hand Him one in that moment and He can just take a bite and say 'Enter into my Kingdom, your tortillas have saved your soul.'"
 YEAHHH NOOOO.... but seriously their tortillas are amazing. They really could get you through the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Hahah no just kidding. But they are good.

Yesterday we were a little late for church so I was just trying to find a seat really quickly. I scooted past 2 girls, a crying baby, a dog, 3 bags and sat down. Then during the last talk I realized that I probably should have thought it was weird that there was a dog in sacrament meeting, but it took me about 25 minutes to even think twice about it. I think it's safe to say I have adjusted to life in Honduras.

Coolest moment of my week? Maria Juanquina didn't get baptized this week ): We changed the date to the 31st but it's actually a good thing because we found out that Luis isn't a member! The church can't find his records so he gets to be baptized with Maria Juaquina and they are really good friends. Tania, the daughter of Maria Juaquina is 14 and she is going to be baptized as well with them. We are going to have a great baptism this week if all goes as planned! I really have come to love them, with all of my heart!!!  Anyway, the cool thing is that Maria was really doubting if Joseph Smith was a prophet and if she needed to be baptized this upcoming Saturday. We were surprised because she has been so solid ever since we found her, but we decided to have a kneeling prayer with her. We knelt on her dirt floor in her cute little hut and as the rain poured down on her tin roof she humbly asked God if Joseph Smith was a prophet and if she needed to get baptized in His church. After the prayer we all just stayed there kneeling for about 5 minutes in silence. She had these big ol' tears rolling down her cheeks. I'm not kidding...I will never be the same.

This church is real. It holds all the truth and the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. All it takes is one prayer with real intent and anyone can know that this church is true.

Basically everyone calls me Hermana Ashcraft because she was the last Gringa in Mezapa for about 7 months .The whole little city of Mezapa knew her. The other day two 5 year old twin girls came running after me yelling Hermana Ashcraft! It turns out their family was taught forever ago but the sisters had dropped them. We went and taught a lesson to their family and we are going back this week. We will see how it goes. Maybe they have changed! Their little girls are seriously SO CUTE. Everyone knows these twins because they have green eyes but they are Honduran. Super pretty.

Maria Juaquina reminds me so much of Grandma Rose. I am so serious. They are about the same height and they are both that super, super sweet spirit that would never say anything bad about anyone. Super loving. Super graceful. I'm not kidding. I love Maria just because she is like my grandma. I put my arm around her the other day and I felt like I was hugging Grandma Rose. I LOVE YOU GRANDMA ROSE!

Maria's mom is dying ): She lives across the street. We brought the Elders over to give her mom a blessing and it was awesome. I put my arm around Maria while we were standing around (because they don't have furniture to sit on) during the blessing. She was sobbing and she just leaned into me and held my hand. I love her!

The Bautista family is awesome. They taught me how to make tortillas this week. Super cool. That's what the pictures are of on dropbox.

Okay, LOVE YOU GUYS. The church is true.
Hermana Saylin